The Dingleberry Dilemma
By Beth Goodtree

Recently, I volunteered to keep an eye on a friend’s teenager while she was away for the weekend.  This entailed stopping by to bring over some food and making sure that no wild parties were being thrown.  Who knew I was about to get a lesson in personal hygiene from a man who is younger than some of my girdles?

After giving Sam instructions on how to reheat the food,  I went to use the bathroom.  As I got off the toilet seat, I noticed a large amount of pubic hair in the toilet bowl.  My initial thought was ‘Damn!  I knew getting older wasn‘t merely prune juice and Geritol ... first I sprout hair on my toe knuckles, now my crotch is going bald.’  But upon closer, if somewhat difficult inspection (I hadn’t bent that far over since the last time I waxed my toe knuckles!), I realized that my nether half was still well-carpeted.

I finished up what I needed to do and went looking for Sam to find out what was going on.  I put it to him bluntly.  "Sam, what’s with all the pubes floating around the toilet?"

After a few moments hesitation, Sam admitted they were his.  Being the nosy bitch that I am, and acting in loco parentis, I insisted that he tell me why his pubic hair was paddling around in the pissoire.  After a few awkward seconds, Sam told me that it was really his butt hair doing the backstroke in the bowl.

"Why would you shave your butt hair?" I asked him out of pure inquisitiveness.  "Does it stick through the spandex of your Speedo swim trunks, or do you just miss that baby-soft feel of a youthful caboose?"

Sam was thoroughly embarrassed.  But my curiosity wouldn’t let it rest.  I did what any good parent would do when faced with an intractable teenager ... I blackmailed him.  I threatened to tell my son, who would then spread it all over the school.  His butt would become the butt of adolescent ridicule.

Under such pressure, Sam had no choice ‘butt’ to tell me the truth.  "It’s cleaner that way," he admitted, somewhat abashed.

"Cleaner?"  I asked with a bit of skepticism.  "Did you have to shampoo your butt hair on a daily basis before you decided to shave it?"

"Not that kind of clean," Sam replied.  "It’s just that without butt hair, I don’t have to worry about getting dingleberries," he said sheepishly.

© Beth Goodtree

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